At the top of my daily to do list lives my purpose statement:

“To overcome fear and develop courage in order to live a daring, creative, loving adventure and to help others live their own daring adventures.”

Overcoming Fear

On many days, overcoming fear feels like the most difficult part of my purpose. On other days, developing courage feels like the most difficult part of my purpose.

Fear and courage, the keys to unlocking the door to the rest of my purpose.

Not only do I find it difficult to overcome my fear, I also find it extremely difficult identifying what I truly fear. I see the shadows of my fear more easily than I see the actual fear casting the shadow. I hear the echoes of my fear more clearly than I hear the actual source of my fear.

For example, my most recent fear occured at the thought of inviting three friends to life coach with me. On the surface, asking these friends to work with me seemed like my greatest fear. It turned out that fear was an echo of a deeper fear. Within that echo I heard other echoes of fear: I’ll be judged. Who am I to help anyone? I’m not good enough. They will talk about me. I’ll look bad.

The Source of Fear

All of those echoes were not the source of the fear’s voice. The source of my fear was the fear of feeling uncomfortable.

That understanding originated from this quote:

“Our self confidence is directly proportional to our ability to feel uncomfortable feelings.” -Dr. Joan Rosenberg, 90 Seconds to a Life You Love.

I think Dr. Rosenberg is right. The fear of uncomfortable feelings is the fear I most often need to overcome.

My Greatest Fear

When I get totally honest with myself, my emotional discomfort hides my greatest fear. Locating that discomfort and then moving toward the discomfort encourages the seed of courage to sprout and grow.

The price I pay for courage is the time I spend being uncomfortable. Because we are squishy, fragile, imperfect meat suits (thanks Erick Godsey), our biological wiring seeks to avoid discomfort.

We associate discomfort with something “bad.” But discomfort, emotional discomfort, the unknown, the uncertain, the uncontrollable, the chaos and its risks possess the riches and treasures we seek; the discomfort possesses our unknown potential. It holds our own becoming.

Quick side note. There’s a difference between physical discomfort and emotional discomfort. Physical discomfort is something uncomfortable for the body. Yes, we may need to overcome the voice within that tells us to avoid the physical pain; however, that is not the same thing as doing something that makes us feel emotional discomfort.

Examples of emotional discomfort: hard conversation with your partner about how you feel. Sharing your desires, wants, dreams openly and honestly with someone who will judge you. Being vulnerable about your fear. Revealing instead of concealing. Putting forward your desires. Letting others see you.

Challenge

This week’s challenge: do something that makes you emotionally uncomfortable. Avoid pushing your body to the limits to experience discomfort. Instead, what makes you squirm inside when you think about doing it? Go toward that thing!

If you’re looking for a great read about developing your self confidence, overcoming fear and living life with the courage of a rebel, read Dr. Joan Rosenberg’s 90 Seconds to a Life You Love. Below are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

Quotes from 90 Seconds to a Life You Love by Dr. Joan Rosenberg

• “The key to cultivating confidence and creating a life you love lies in the ability to handle unpleasant emotions. Confidence develops when you have the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you pursue.”

• “As human beings, we are always seeking a freer, fuller, more expanded version of ourselves and that life is always seeking its fuller expression through us.”

• “By moving away from difficult feelings, you actually cut yourself off from emotional information that could help protect or enhance your life. Consistently distracting from or avoiding what is unpleasant and uncomfortable is, unfortunately, often the start of a slow trek to increased anxiety, bodily pain, vulnerability, and disempowerment.”

• “Many people maintain a faulty perception of emotional strength; they believe being emotionally strong means controlling, shutting down, or shutting out thoughts, feelings, needs, and perceptions—in other words, dismissing what you know. When you distract yourself by shutting out what you experience, you can no longer use the emotional reactions that evolved to protect you or help you connect with others.”

• “When you worry about or refuse to take risks, no matter what they are, you are actually less afraid of the risk itself than of the unpleasant feelings that might result if things don’t turn out the way you want.”

• “You feel anxious? If you are really honest with yourself, you might realize that your anxiety is actually masking other unpleasant feelings… I’ve found that it can seem easier to feel anxious than to feel some other unpleasant feeling (like disappointment or anger), especially when that uncomfortable feeling is directed at someone else and needs to be expressed, potentially resulting in even greater discomfort.. To be able to experience the genuine feeling that is present at the time you experience it is truly liberating. If you feel anxious a lot, is it possible you may be masking other unpleasant feelings? If so, which of the eight do you mask?”