Something needed to be said that I needed to say. It needed to be said a long time ago. Specifically, it needed to be said to the person closest to me. I didn’t know what needed to be said until life gave me a circumstance in which I felt – RESENTMENT.

By doing parts work, I know this about myself… 

I am a singular being with a multitude of personalities within. 

I imagine these internal parts in various ways, including seeing my parts as four distinct characters, each with their own voice and personalities: my mind, my body, my heart, and my larger, whole self that I visualize as king energy.

When resentment arose, it flooded me, resulting in my whole being affected by the negative emotion of resentment. Through parts work, I downloaded this about my resentment…

My body felt the unpleasant feeling first – tightness around my chest, a draining of my energy, anger and heat in my hands, and sadness around my heart.

My mind delivered the thought – she’s a hypocrite.

My heart said – we seek love, connection, trust, freedom, joy, but this makes us sad.

My king self said – I hear, see, and feel all of what each of you shared. Since we are traveling, we will witness ourselves and everything we feel, think, and do until we get back home to share with the other person.

My purpose statement includes “overcoming fear and developing courage.” Developing courage requires doing things, feeling things, speaking things that elicit fear within me. Addressing this large issue with my wife required that I overcome my discomfort, my fear of the reaction that I imagined she would respond with, and my knowing that I didn’t possess the fully articulated knowing of what resided deep within me.

However, I needed to say the first thing. I did. Guess what? It did not go well.

My wife’s response ended up being a full manifestation of her own fear and insecurity. I meet with her shield, her armor and it fucking hurt. Once hurt, I responded with anger, shouting, and throwing things. It did not go well.

But, I kept speaking my truth as it occurred to me. Day after day, despite the fighting, despite the tears and accusations.

I allowed myself to feel hurt, to feel tired; however, I stayed connected to my knowing, listening to my intuition. Although the emotional weight overwhelmed me at times, although my anger went from clean anger to dirty anger, I kept saying the things that I needed to say guided by my mind, body, heart, and self.

I moved through my anger, my disappointment, my hurt, my shock that the love of my life would treat me this way, until she heard me, until I understood myself.

The knowing inside me had to overcome fear and use courage to speak the thing that needed to be spoken. Eventually, my wife heard me. Eventually, once I was truly heard, my system reset. I relaxed. I moved back into a fuller version of myself. A fuller version of myself that went missing for six months.

The painting represents what happens when what needs to be said remains inside, unspoken. We crack apart. Parts of ourselves begin to dissolve. The inner friction becomes a burning heat, consuming the oxygen within until either through depression or disease, it splits us apart and the inner fire bursts forth.

What within you needs to be said? Do you need to say or admit aloud to yourself this thing that you may feel too afraid to speak aloud?

Saying something requires knowing or seeing or sensing what you need to talk about. I didn’t know what that “something” was at first. At first, all I knew was resentment.

I found out what it was by paying attention to my mind, body, heart, and self when resentment arose. Paying attention to the parts of myself without filtering my attention through should’s, could’s, would’s, supposed to’s, cant’s, or I don’t know’s allowed me to fully experience my emotions, my bodily sensations, and my thoughts.

Then, with a little courage, I spoke what needed to be said aloud. It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t articulate, it wasn’t even close to perfect, but it led to something exponentially better, freedom.

For six months my body kept something uncomfortable within me, telling me that the situation around me required me to say something that needed to be said. Not until a resentment arose within me that I could not ignore did I release the fire burning within me.

In this challenge, speak what needs to be spoken.

When you dare to speak that which needs to be spoken, ideally it comes from a place of love not fear. Speak from a place of revealing, vulnerability, and tenderness. Tenderness for yourself and the person you reveal to. You must pay attention to your parts. If you lead with your negative emotions, you will hurt the other person and injure yourself.

What in your life needs to be said? What happens if you go and say that thing?